The Team Captains

JTA

JTA is the person most often seen in Newport wearing a big coat, a 'stylish' hat and handcuffs. He’s the only member of the team to actually live in the town, and he uses this proximity to school to arrive late to most of his lessons. He’s an English student & a member of the School Debating Team, which utterly fails to explain why he’s incapable of making a witty, or even coherent, response to response to an "Odd-one-Out" round.
More on John "JTA" Trevor-Allen

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Ian Hislop

JTA's dress sense is just like Ian's, as is his grasp of popular culture. The analogy will be complete if JTA becomes editor of a satirical magazine; sadly, however, all he's managed so far is co-host of a crappy website.

Statto

Statto is universally acclaimed as having the best facial hair on HIGSFY and is also said to be the quickest, wittiest and sexiest member of the AGS Billiards team. As far as HIGSFY goes, he’s the one on the far right, looking smug. He’s least well-known for wearing a scarf that breaks all school rules on uniform without anyone noticing, but given the perceptive powers of, say, the AGS School Captains, this is not very surprising.
More on Andrew "Statto" Steele

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Paul Merton

Statto is similar to our good friend Mr Merton in some, less or fewer ways. His questionable taste in ties neatly mirrors Merton's questionable taste in shirts, and his inability to be funny on the spot neatly mirrors Merton's ability to manage just that.

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