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"Road Map to Peace" Actually "Road Map to Kentucky"
The city, which is known as ‘Peaceville’, has a number of different districts with names such as ‘Get Rid Of Suicide Bombers’, ‘Destroy The Axis Of Evil’ and ‘Vote Republican’, all en route to ‘Middle East Stability’. There has been widespread denial from US officials that there is a place just beyond the city limits of Peaceville called ‘Lucrative Oil Contracts’.
Colin Powell has flown to the ‘Mid-East’ to attempt to catalyse the peace process. His visit prompted an angry reaction from Israeli PM Ariel Sharon: “Bugger off, we’re not withdrawing our lovely troops just coz you buggers have a ‘roadmap’ or something!” Mr Powell said he was “pleased with the level of cooperation, particularly from Israel,” and asked them to “please remember it was the US who sold you all those bombs and missiles.” Another pothole in the road to Peace was unceremoniously driven through when, earlier this week, terrorists drove cars laden with high explosives into Western targets in Saudi Arabia. “We’ll get the buggers,” said President Dubya in an address, “We’ll find those suicide bombers and string ’em up by their wotsits and thrash ’em until it damn well hurts. Their only faith is in hatred, my only faith is in retribution with good ol’ fashioned punishments!”
The United States and UK have put forward suggestions to the UN for the rebuilding of Iraq. Under the US proposals, a new body comprising the US and UK - known as “The Authority” - would decide how income from the sale of Iraqi oil would be spent. The UN is reduced to an advisory role. In a draft document leaked from the US administration, a second resolution will shortly be presented to the UN. Under these proposals, a new body comprising the US, known as “The Ultimate Exalted Authority”, would have powers to wage war on who it chooses, disregard international law and have a complete veto over all other nations under all circumstances. UN commentators have declared that such a plan would never be accepting, saying that “the UN can’t implement a resolution unless it makes changes to current UN policy.”
As GWB said, “Of awl those dahmn rogue states, in the dahmn Mid-East, North Korea is the biggest, scariest threat. Which is why we’re invading Iraq.” North Korea is still pressing on with its nuclear programme, much to the horror of the US who sold them the reactors, uranium depleting apparatus and ICBM motors. “We will not stand for nukes in North Korea,” said Bush, “Unless they’re pointing them at us.” North Korea has been dubbed by some ‘The Secret State’; it admitted only last year to a secret nuclear programme, its Eternal President ‘ceased to be president because he died’ (likely story) in 1994, and it is even suspected by President Bush to be secretly called ‘Iraq 2’, which sources close to the President say is “nothing to do with his knowledge of geography. It’s a genuine suspicion.”
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