Thurdsay,. 26 February, 2004, 12:54 GMT

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Running Chump

Nader Told to Quit While he's Behind

Ralph Nader: The most dangerous man in the World (apart from President Bush, Osama Bin Laden and Clare Short)

Democrat supporters in the U.S. of A. are begging Presidential hopeful Ralph Nader not to run for office, in the fear that he'll split the vote, and land everyone with another four years with a Bush in the White House.

Democrats blame the meagre 3% of the vote that Nader took for ruining the chances of their man at the time, Al Gore, rather than the 49.9999999% which went to President Bush, which Nader implausibly maintains was the cause of the Democratic failure.

Analysts for the Democratic Party have shown that if you combine the votes for Nader, other independent candidates and George W Bush and assume that just 51% of them had voted for Al Gore, that the White House would be a Democratic stronghold even to this day.

"Which is why we are suggesting that Nader and the Republicans pull out of the race," explained one political tactician, "That'd give us a shot at the next election!"

Ralph, don't run! The Democrats, the Republicans, the Environmentalists, the NRA, voteNader.org...

Even the environmentalist lobby, which Nader claims to represent, are opposed to his running: "It's all his damn fault that we've got this Bush idiot messing up the planet in the first place!" whined green-thinking leftie Clare Timkins, " Well... And the big businesses, and the fat cats with the vested interests... But if we attack them, they could use lawyers on us, but Nader's just a soft, lefty target, so we're putting the boot in."

However, President Bush is staunchly in support of Nader's Campaign, as he told a press conference yesterday. "Ah may not laike his stance of freedom of choice for the individual," he said, "But Ah'm told by mah strategists that he helped me rig, I mean win the last election, so he's got my vote any day."